Surrender

Healing my body from Mast Cell Activation Syndrome took more than just perseverance in following my medical plan. It required a total shift in lifestyle. With stress being my biggest trigger, I had to reconsider my responsibilities and how much time and effort I was putting into my work. But letting go of a job I loved was hard. Saying no felt impossible. And so I continued to soldier on with my work responsibilities even though I knew they were too much with three little ones, a husband who traveled frequently, and no family around.

I wasn’t sure how I could ever heal completely with the ongoing stress, but what I had learned from years of suffering from autoimmune dysfunction was that I needed to offer every ounce of pain, fear, and frustration that I was feeling to the Lord. Week after week, I sought the Lord in Adoration, pleading for healing and asking Him to use my suffering for some sort of good. In prayer, I felt a gentle nudge to surrender my work, but it wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear. We had bills to pay; there was no way around it. I wasn’t ready to surrender.

Surrender. Such a powerful gift. Such a beautiful invitation to trust that God really truly knows what we need. Yet, total surrender is difficult. It is within our grasp, but sometimes it takes having things stripped away from us for us to realize that surrender is our surest stronghold.

It took losing my mind for me to quit my job, to lower my stress, to heal my body. Sometimes I wonder how life would have gone differently had I waved the white flag of surrender before someone else had to wave it for me.

We all have things, some little, some large, that we need to surrender. Sometimes all that is needed is a simple prayer–Jesus, I trust in You. Other times, our surrender requires action. But we know that either type of surrender draws us closer to the one who surrendered everything for us.